questions

There are so many. 

Sometimes I wish I could throw them away. 

I hate a lot of them. 

I'm not saying questions aren't good things. It is by questioning things that we can learn. When we don't understand something, it's best to ask something. That doesn't change the fact that I don't like questions. 

The first questions I hate are the ones that I pose myself when I'm worrying too much or being self-conscious. I ask myself why I like what I do, why I dress the way I do, why I don't exercise regularly, why don't I save more, why I didn't get a certain girl's number, why I let so many chances go by without acting, etc. I hate how much I question myself. It sucks and it's hard to stop. 

I also hate when other people ask questions that just amplify the questions I ask myself. Things like "Are you dating anyone?" "Do you see your ex anymore and are you still friends?" "What are you doing with your life?" "Why didn't you get her number?" "What are you wearing ?" (a girl really asked me that when I wore a brown jacket with black shoes on accident. I'm colorblind), etc. 

Questions fill my head and I never know how to answer them. I want to do better at that. I guess that you could say that is one of my resolutions. It's a hard one. Reading helps stop it for a bit. It also helps to be around family and friends that know how to speak words of affirmation to me. I took the test and that's my primary love language. If you want to get me to cloud 9, just telling me something sweet and sincere. I talk myself down a lot in my mind. I know I have redeeming qualities, but I don't recognize them myself enough. 

That being said, I want to make a list of things that I like about myself. I read and understand a lot. I have a direction I want to take my life. My poetry isn't half bad. I would say I'm a pretty good friend. I can dance like I just don't care and mean it. I work hard for things that I want. I like to serve others. I like to listen. 

Really, it's hard. I try not to question. I really am quite great. That's why I hate questions. They make me forget that. God made me quite unique and did it with love. That should be enough affirmation.