living

It's been a little while since I update this and I realize that most people aren't going to see this for a few days because I'm taking a hiatus from Facebook this week, but I just want everyone to know that I am living. 

living /ˈliviNG/ 1. noun: the pursuit of a lifestyle of the specified type. "the benefits of country living"

2. adjective: alive. "living creatures"

For any who don't know, I am a little crazy. My mind goes everywhere and my body wants to follow. I'm living. I am alive. I'm also pursuing a living in what I enjoy. Right now, I am making a living studying marketing and working part-time jobs to finance dates, comics, books, and weekend hiking trips. I went to a color festival, shook Kenny Loggins' hand (twice) and watched my brother play soccer. I even did my taxes with my dad. That's what I love. That's the living that makes me feel alive. I'm way excited about the world and finding more about the things around me, especially in nature. I'm almost done with my undergrad, and I can't wait to get a job to take me somewhere else in life.  

The last few weeks, I have been able to live. I have escaped to the mountains, helped host an amazing St. Patrick's Day Party, reconnected with someone who I thought would never want me in their life, and have learned so many things about myself. I've been writing, drawing, reflecting, exercising, and clearing my mind about who I have been and become. Too often, I think I take for granted how far I have come as a human being. Sure, I make mistakes, but that has make who I am. I don't want to get overly sentimental, but I'm glad for all the crap I've been through. I'm glad I've grown. 

I'm not perfect, but at least I'm alive.

me: karaoke

"It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday,
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see
To forget about life for a while.

And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, 'Man, what are you doing here?'"

Karaoke (n) origin:Japanese, person or event exhibiting no real musical talent; tone deaf. (Brantz Woolsey's Dictionary of Terms)

I got behind the microphone and scrolling words on the screen for the first time in my adult life at Dylan and Shannon's "Crash Pad 35". That night was a combined karaoke and ugly sweater party to relax a little before the stress of my first finals week back at college. We danced, sang, and played air instruments. 

When I do karaoke, I rock. I close my eyes, bend my arms at my sides and I rock that imaginary, cherry red Gibson Les Paul guitar nearly every Wednesday in that crowded Applebee's. Sometimes, it becomes a keyboard, drum set or interpretive dance solo. No matter what it is, it helps me "...forget about life for awhile." 

Even when you suck or get off pitch, the end of you song will be met with enthusiastic applause. It doesn't matter whether you're singing Hey Jude with Jordan, The Fox with Eric, Baby It's Cold Outside with Makenzie or even a solo of Sweet Carolina, the audience will love you. It may just be the half of the crowd that comes to drink, but it still sparks self-esteem. DJ Johnny Utah is always there with a laugh and high five when you finish a song, complimenting you for everyone to hear. 

And friends come closer. We sing together, but most of the time we just bond over conversation and shared half-price appetizers. The waiter keeps our waters (or Dr Peppers) full as we share moments with those friends we hold dear. As I share my celery from my boneless chicken wing platter, we share advice and insights on things that are happening in politics, school, the world, and our lives. Some of the most uplifting conversations I've had since my mission have been those I've shared at karaoke. 

Karaoke is a place of no cares. The weight of the world is washed away amidst the music and occasional microphone feedback. We laugh. We sing. We share something that others don't understand until they've been a part of it. 

You don't have to sing to have fun. It helps, but there are so many that come for the company and leave feeling loved. There is something about karaoke that exudes acceptance. It's hard to explain.

When I finish the chorus of Just Haven't Met You Yet, I've Just Seen A Face, or any other song, my friends know that it's not just another song. I get met with applause and I know they understand. 

angels

Angels fascinate me.  They always have. I believe they exist and come in many forms around us to lift us and make us better. God can use us to be angels in people's lives and sends others to be our angels. A friend of mine retweeted the following picture of a poem by Lang Leav:

I've made some friends recently and have old friends that have really lifted me up and been angels to me. I have needed a lot I help recently and God has sent it through people around me who love me. He's been helping me to believe again. To hope and dream more deeply and to not doubt my potential. 

My light is weak, but it will get stronger. Here's to being better.