living

It's been a little while since I update this and I realize that most people aren't going to see this for a few days because I'm taking a hiatus from Facebook this week, but I just want everyone to know that I am living. 

living /ˈliviNG/ 1. noun: the pursuit of a lifestyle of the specified type. "the benefits of country living"

2. adjective: alive. "living creatures"

For any who don't know, I am a little crazy. My mind goes everywhere and my body wants to follow. I'm living. I am alive. I'm also pursuing a living in what I enjoy. Right now, I am making a living studying marketing and working part-time jobs to finance dates, comics, books, and weekend hiking trips. I went to a color festival, shook Kenny Loggins' hand (twice) and watched my brother play soccer. I even did my taxes with my dad. That's what I love. That's the living that makes me feel alive. I'm way excited about the world and finding more about the things around me, especially in nature. I'm almost done with my undergrad, and I can't wait to get a job to take me somewhere else in life.  

The last few weeks, I have been able to live. I have escaped to the mountains, helped host an amazing St. Patrick's Day Party, reconnected with someone who I thought would never want me in their life, and have learned so many things about myself. I've been writing, drawing, reflecting, exercising, and clearing my mind about who I have been and become. Too often, I think I take for granted how far I have come as a human being. Sure, I make mistakes, but that has make who I am. I don't want to get overly sentimental, but I'm glad for all the crap I've been through. I'm glad I've grown. 

I'm not perfect, but at least I'm alive.

true love

There is a trend of people either being super excited about Valentines or down & disillusioned about it. Most of the people who are down and disillusioned are those my age who feel lonely because they lack the companionship celebrated on this holiday. 

A few weeks ago, I decided to escape this loneliness by going home to spend the holiday with my family. It's a holiday of love, so I spent it with people I love and I had a blast.

Friday, my roomie Jordan and I drove up to Castle Dale. We got there mid-afternoon and I dropped him off at his parent's home for the weekend.

My family members had other plans for the evening, but that was okay. I spent the night with Cricket, our family dog, reading Hawkeye and Li'l Depressed Boy comics. Both really help me to understand myself and little things that I need to do better in dating. 

A little later in the evening, I watched most of The Great Gatsby with my sister, but I got distracted and didn't finish the movie. I know I might lose my life for saying this, but I didn't think it was worth all the hype people made about it.

Saturday was the best. We went to Arches National Park to go hiking. It was free national park day. We hiked part of the Devil's Garden Trail to the Double O Arches. We got to see Landscape Arch and a few others along the way. After that, we hiked to Delicate Arch. That is one of the most beautiful sights. The arch sits on the edge of a huge cliff with swirling inclined sandstone leading to it. Lots of people, including myself, hiked along the treacherous incline to get pictures underneath the arch. 

On the hike back to our car, there were some people sitting about 50 yards apart on different sides of the trail playing native flutes. The tune was simple and they would echo each other back and forth across the trail. It was amazing how their simple song brought a reverence to everyone passing on the trail. The music made me look up and notice nature more. I looked at all the beauty around and had to appreciate the amazing world we live in.  

Sunday, we went as a family to Beaver for my cousin Lacey's mission farewell. She's going to serve her mission in Rapid City, SD. It was good to see extended family and catch up with them. 

That evening, Jordan, Dory, Katy, and I spend the evening together. It was good to catch up with Dory and Katy who have both graduated and moved on from SUU. We watched a French film called He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. I'm not always the biggest fan of foreign films, but this one was one of the most amazingly written and directed films I have had the opportunity to watch. I won't say much about it, but I will say that it will blow your mind. 

To end my Valentines and President's day weekend, I spend Monday morning shoveling gravel to fill in a planter area with my dad and siblings. It was hard work and I definitely counted it as my workout for the day. When we finished a part, I packed to come back to college. 

Before I left, dad and Walker took me with them to fly some airplanes they had made. They gave me a fully automatic air-soft rifle and told me to shoot the plane. I did and almost took it out of the air. It was a huge blast. 

This weekend was amazing. I would not have traded it for anything. Enjoy more pictures!

the quest. the dream.

I've always been fascinated with ROMANCE.*

*it's not what it sounds like...

Let me explain.

I believe in quixotic romance. I believe in looking at the world and finding or fighting the good as Cervantes's character Don Quixote did in his many misadventures.

quixotic (adj) 1. exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical. 

romance (n) ... 2. a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life. 

I believe in what many would call stupid fantasies. There are many "dumb ideas" that occupy my mind and by today's standards aren't widely accepted. In the musical Man of La Mancha, Cervantes is put on trial by his fellow jail mates as he awaits trial from the Inquisition. In his trial, he is accused for being "...an idealist, a bad poet, and an honest man." His reply is as follows:

"It is true. I am guilty of these charges. An idealist? I have never had the courage to believe in nothing. A bad poet? that comes a bit more painfully..."

I don't have the courage to believe in nothing. I believe in God. I believe that he made me and gave me talents. I believe in love and the capacity to love even after being heart broken. We can learn to believe again that things will work out no matter what happens to us. I believe that everyone can be happy. Life is hard, but we can always find a way to have happiness in our lives. 

Reading helps us to believe not in what is, but what the world can be if we do our part. Don Quixote wasn't always a knight-errant sallying forth to right the world of wrongs, but he started as a regular man who read. He read so much that it changed his outlook. He started to believe that good could be restored to the world to the point that he donned a suit of armor to battle the evil around him. I'm not saying we all need to literally "suit up" to fight evil around us, but we do need to work together to fight the things we see around us that seem unjust or incorrect. We need to find out what we believe and work to support those ideologies. 

I believe in love. Not the regular romantic stuff, but the following definition of love:

Love is a feeling of deep devotion, concern, and affection (http://www.lds.org/topics/love?lang=eng&query=love)

Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves to dream and reach their dreams. Everyone deserves to believe in the inherent good that other humans possess. 

In the musical, Cervantes says, "...I have been a soldier and seen my comrades fall in battle... or die more slowly under the lash in Africa. I have held them in my arms at the final moment. These were men who saw life as it is, yet they died despairing. No glory, no gallant last words... only their eyes filled with confusion, whimpering the question: 'Why?' I do not think they asked why they were dying, but why they had lived... When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Too much sanity may be madness. To seek treasure where there is only trash. Perhaps to be practical is madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be."

I am an idealist. I believe in the good in people. I believe not in the world as it is, but in the world as it should be. Ghandi is attributed with saying, "Be the change you want to see in the world." That's harder than it seems, especially when most people criticize the idealists who try to start to make a difference in the world. We are surrounded by critics (some that are internal) that try to bring us down and keep us from making a difference, but we all can do something to help the world to be a better place. 

I started thinking about all of this on Sunday during a church meeting where a lady talked about her quest to make the world a better place. I thought of knights, chivalry and gallantry.

That being said, I believe that people aren't really looking for chivalry.

chivalry (n) 1. the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code.

If you look at the definition of the word, chivalry is dead. Some of the ideologies continue, but it is essentially dead. What I think people are looking for is gallant behavior when they say they desire chivalry. 

gallantry (n) ... 2. polite attention or respect given by men to women. 

That's something I can be. I am not a knight, but I can be gallant. I can give that special attention and respect to women, but I cannot be a knight. 

The thing is, I don't believe that just women deserve attention and respect, but we all do. That deserves another word. We need charity. 

charity (n) ... 3. kindness and tolerance in judging others. acrhaic love of humankind. 

We all live different lives. The way we react to things is different and often it is easy to judge another because they act differently than we would. The thing is, we are not living their life. We may try to "walk a mile in their shoes", but it is infinitely difficult for us to understand what they are really going through. Too often we try to comfort people with words when all they really need might be a hug or vice versa. In the end, the best thing we can do is communicate, express our feelings, and ask others what they need and expect from us. We should tell others how much they mean to us and ask for their help when we need it. 
We are all on a team here on earth. It's not a competition against each other or a battle with your neighbor, but a struggle to get through this life together. The world will never be perfect, but we can all make a difference if we work on loving and helping those around us today. 

People may believe differently than you. Who cares? There is a song that I sang as a child that says, "Jesus said love everyone; Treat them kindly too" (http://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/jesus-said-love-everyone?lang=eng).

That's what I believe we should do. Call me an idealist. I would prefer to be a modern day Don Quixote than a realist. I even played him in high school. Let's look for the good in the world, recognize it, accentuate it. "Dream the impossible dream."